“Bigger, Better, Faster, More” was the title of an album which the Four Non-Blondes produced in the 90′s. I was struck how this title seemed to represent much of our modern day culture. I have wondered if we could find “better” via smaller, slower, and less…come join me for a couple of minutes and see what you think.

Part of what I have witnessed is this tremendous attempt to fulfill one’s life with extrinsic, often materially-based, dynamics. Instead of a purpose-driven life, some people start to chase the insatiable energy of bigger, better, faster, more. This chase, from what I have seen, is much like trying to catch a jack-rabbit: The more invested you are in the chase, the more tired out you get and also the further you get off your true life-path.

We do not have to look very far to see those athletes and media-stars who have “made it” in their bigger, better, faster, more world, and who also have taken tremendous falls. All the bigger, better, faster, and more didn’t save them from their self-destructive choices.

Try this on for a bottom-line: True happiness and true fulfillment come from within. The dynamics of knowing who we really are, why we are here, where we are going, and what we will leave as a legacy will bring us a complete life and inner peace. Maybe not bigger, maybe not faster, maybe not more, but rather, “better” through our own simple and powerfully personal truth.

So here is an invitation for you:

Take a look at what you fear the most and answer these questions:

• Have you become attached to this, or these, in a way that has defined your personhood?
• Are you chasing something that only wears you down and tires you out?
• Do you find yourself to be unhappy regardless of how much bigger, better, faster, or more that you do and have?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I invite you to do an inventory of your life. Spend some time discerning your values and your priorities. Discover your life purpose and your life-path.

It has been written: “Bigger, Better, Faster, More” was the title of an album which the Four Non-Blondes produced in the 90′s. I was struck how this title seemed to represent much of our modern day culture. I have wondered if we could find “better” via smaller, slower, and less…come join me for a couple of minutes and see what you think.

Part of what I have witnessed is this tremendous attempt to fulfill one’s life with extrinsic, often materially-based, dynamics. Instead of a purpose-driven life, some people start to chase the insatiable energy of bigger, better, faster, more. This chase, from what I have seen, is much like trying to catch a jack-rabbit: The more invested you are in the chase, the more tired out you get and also the further you get off your true life-path.

We do not have to look very far to see those athletes and media-stars who have “made it” in their bigger, better, faster, more world, and who also have taken tremendous falls. All the bigger, better, faster, and more didn’t save them from their self-destructive choices.

Try this on for a bottom-line: True happiness and true fulfillment come from within. The dynamics of knowing who we really are, why we are here, where we are going, and what we will leave as a legacy will bring us a complete life and inner peace. Maybe not bigger, maybe not faster, maybe not more, but rather, “better” through our own simple and powerfully personal truth.

So here is an invitation for you:

Take a look at what you fear the most and answer these questions:

Have you become attached to this, or these, in a way that has defined your personhood?

Are you chasing something that only wears you down and tires you out?

Do you find yourself to be unhappy regardless of how much bigger, better, faster, or more that you do and have?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, I invite you to do an inventory of your life. Spend some time discerning your values and your priorities. Discover your life purpose and your life-path.

It has been written:

Work like you don’t need the money.

Sing like no one is listening.

Dance like no one is watching.

And love like you have never been hurt.

Find “the most important thing” in your life because the most important thing is to make the most important thing the most important thing.

Ken Donaldson has been based in Tampa Bay offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first. Visit his website at http://www.REALationshipCoach.com for more information and sign-up his free e-program Illuminations and Sparks of Brilliance. Ken is also the author of the upcoming book Marry YourSelf First!

1. Admit there is a problem.

The very first step in dealing with any problem is to
acknowledge that there is a problem. Surrendering to the
idea that control is an illusion allows one to be proactive
rather than reactive which creates opportunity for solution.

2. Recognize that a power other than yourself can restore you
to sanity.

You do not have to do it alone. You can go to mentors, peer
managers, a coach, or even business literature to tap into
additional experience, tools and solutions.

3. Choose to turn it over.

Sometimes the biggest obstacle is you. There are times when
the best thing you can do is to get out of the way and let
others do their jobs.

4. Analyze the situation to determine the cause.

Where did you drop the ball or where could you have handled
the situation differently? Look for specific situations,
especially those where you can see you were part of the
problem and not the solution. The question to ask: ‘Have I
truly set my people up to succeed in every area of their
responsibilities?’ Look for consistent patterns in which you
are the liability. Remember, if it begins with you, it can
end with you.

5. Create a successful plan of action with another person.

An objective view eliminates blind spots and also brings
attention to what we do not see ourselves. This step must be
taken with someone with integrity and who is concerned about
both the business success and your success and has a proven
track record of creating results.

6. Humbly get into action.

There is a reason servant leadership creates companies that
thrive financially as well as in employee/management
relationships. Become a servant-leader and reap the
benefits, both personally and professionally.

7. Let your side of the street sparkle.

Take stock of your personal inventory and identify where and
with whom you need resolution. Then, decide what action you
will take in order to complete/restore relationships.

8. Be entirely ready to implement your plan of action.

Be committed to resolving the situation. Any second-guessing
or conflicting intentions should be discussed and put to
rest. Willingness is a state of being, not just an attitude.
It may sometimes be necessary to modify your plan of action
if you are not getting the results you looked for, but
don’t quit before the miracle.

9 Lead by example.

Be an active part of the solution and admit your piece of
the problem. Show up as a leader who accepts personal
responsibility and earn respect. You don’t need to demand
it. People will go where you lead them, so lead by example.

10. Create an outline for others.

Once you have increased productivity and have the trust,
respect and loyalty of the people involved (up, down and across the board), write down these steps as guidlines for yourself and others to operate from.Be available to support other managers and MIT’s through this process.

Elizabeth Tull is a Legacy Strategist who assists people in Disovering, Developing and Delivering Legacies of Excellence, Humanity and Extraordinary Living. Come visit and sign up for The Coaching Catalyst newsletter http://www.agapelegacycoach.com

In the two previous Girls Basketball College Selection Tips articles, I have given 4 tips to consider when choosing a college to sign a letter of intent to play college basketball for. I have more tips to provide.

Playing Position

It is important to study the team’s roster. Look at the total number of freshman, sophomore, juniors, and seniors in the position that you play. If there is a situation where there are multiple returning players that play the same position, you may not want to consider that school. That is if you want to play immediately. Keep in mind. This is just generally speaking. Other things can and do come into play, when it comes to playing time. For example, your playing ability, others playing ability, injuries, academic eligibility, etc. However, if you can play multiple positions, you have an advantage.

Team Culture

This is very important. You will be spending a tremendous amount of time with your team. Does the team get along? As you take your recruiting visit, be aware of the camaraderie of the team. Do they seem to get along with each other? Look at how the players are communicating with the coaches. Pay attention to the body language and facial expressions of the players. Do they seem to be happy? And ask them that. Ask the players about their experience with the team and school.

Playing position and team culture are two more areas to look at while considering colleges to play college basketball for.

My name is Patosha Jeffery. I’ve been involved in basketball as a player, coach and trainer since 1987. My skills were good enough to get me a full basketball scholarship to the University of Memphis. I’ve coached several young ladies that’s earned basketball scholarships themselves to schools like the University of Colorado, University of Florida, Southern Mississippi, Ole Miss, Arkansas State and Florida A&M to name a few. I am a Certified Fitness Trainer and Specialist in Sports Conditioning.

My philosophies are” To Add Value to Others through Inspiration and Participation” and “To Mentor Young Ladies through the Process of Excelling in Basketball”.

Visit http://www.girlsbasketballtrainer.com for articles, videos, motivational tips and training methods that deliver dangerous results, Guaranteed!

Worry is a very big problem in many people’s lives. They worry about what clothes sunblock wear, whether they are going to manage to pay rentals, buy food and send kids to school. They worry- what will become of them if they lose their jobs or what would become of their children and wife when they pass on. Worry, worry, worry….WORRY!!

Have you ever had a problem and sat down to worry and overcame it? When you worry you will never find any solutions. However,it is justifiable to worry if you haven’t set your goals for the year. We dating to plan otherwise worry will be on our mind day and day out.

Worry is a worthless activity that many people indulge in regardless of their education background. Worry has never solved any problem,it cant solve any problem and never will.
Worry finds its roots in the mind.If your attitude is negative then the end result is a pessimistic view of life and things around you. Most of the things we worry about never even occur.

What causes worry? FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear is the biggest reason many people spend time worrying. Many people would like to attempt to do great things but fail because of fear. They worry that if they attempt the thing they fear the most might happen. Have you ever solved a problem by worrying?As matter of fact nothing has ever been solved by worrying. Eighty percent of the things we worry about do not actually occur.
Overcome worry because it is a waste of time and mind power.

Aaron Kamanga
Motivational Speaker, Life Coach, Mentor
Cell:260 966 434287
http://www.aaronkamanga.blogspot.com
http://www.tagged.com/kamanga
http://www.myspace.com/aaronkamanga

Direct Answers – Column for the week of July 28, 2003

How do I help a former friend let go of a friendship that’s not working for me?

This woman, I’ll call her “Anne,” is a life coach. We met last year and hit cosmetics off as friends. The problem for me is the vast majority of our conversation centered around Anne and her situation, particularly as it related to men. On and on these conversations would go about this guy or that. My honest feedback was not well received.

Prior to getting fed up with the lack of balance in our friendship, I invited her to speak at a conference I organized. The event took place last month, and Anne was just okay as a speaker. Reviews were mixed, but it was done.

Last night Anne left a message indicating she wanted me to be a referral for a potential client. I feel bad about recommending someone I no longer believe to be effective. How do I get off her calling list without being unkind?

Laurel

Laurel, in this situation truthfulness is more important than politeness. Politeness will get you more of what you don’t want more of.

Anne doesn’t take criticism, or the truth, well. She makes a good first impression, but she does not have the understanding she is trying to sell to others. Giving Anne what she wants makes you a co-conspirator with her, and that is an incongruity you cannot live with.

Just as your life must proceed from honesty, so must Anne’s. Tell Anne reviews of her performance don’t allow you to make a recommendation. If she takes offense, she is taking offense to the truth.

Tamara

Beating A Dead Horse

I am American and my husband British. We met while he lived and worked for two years in the US. When we became engaged, we discussed where we wanted to settle and that place is America. We both feel strongly about this.

We did, however, decide to move to the UK for two years for him to finish a few things and get his US green card. That is much easier to do abroad than at home, and we told his parents we would only be in the UK a short time.

My mother-in-law is a person who uses mind games to get her way. She has directly insulted America to me claiming everything from American greed to gun problems. She whines that her grandchildren will not be close to her, and she has even hung up the phone on my husband. She is a right brat!

I know it must be hard for her, and I understand, I really do. But we can’t always live around the corner, and I am starting to get angry. My husband told his family they are welcome to come stay with us for a month or longer at a time, but my mother-in-law said, “I don’t like to fly, and I don’t think I’ll like Texas!”

My husband knows his mother is a difficult woman, but he hates conflict and wants to keep the peace. My mom says keeping my cool is the best thing to do.

Kay

Kay, before you insult the royal family or British cuisine, remember your mom’s advice and keep your cool. Don’t jewelry with your mother-in-law. By the very act of arguing you are giving substance to her wishes. Arguing as if it is unsettled may make it unsettled.

When you give in to a difficult person, they don’t become more reasonable, they become more difficult. They think they are entitled to win all the time. Once you have moved, your mother-in-law can visit you, and if you can afford it, you can visit her.

Maybe she’ll even like Texas. Or maybe she will love to hate Texas. But either way your mother-in-law’s behavior sounds like a better argument for emigrating than for living around the corner.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at http://www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.